Baby Foot Makes Self-Isolating Easy

Beauty

Self-care has never been more important than now. Our mental states are chipping away with every scoop of 2AM peanut butter, and our coffee-induced morning spirals are quickly blending into our wine-fueled night spirals. In other words, it’s important to check in with yourself.

And no beauty treatment requires as much time, dedication, and mental fortitude as Baby Foot. The Japanese exfoliant is starting to trend during our enforced isolation, because nobody is going to see you for a minute. Decaying feet requires that everyone stands at least six feet away, further if they have good eyesight. Baby Foot is the sourdough bread of quarantine beauty—except it’s not causing a flour and yeast shortage—requiring gentle care and constant attention.

“I’m dependent on services. Not a DIY person. Now i have baby foot and press-on nails,” said Julie Schott, founder of Starface. She is one of the many shelter-from-home participants testing out Baby Foot, listing three reasons: “1. I have the time. 2. No access to a pedicure in the foreseeable future. 3. To scare my boyfriend.”

    If you want to be freshly traumatized, the brand’s Instagram page is a car crash you can’t look away from, if car crashes resembled human flesh peeling away like garlic skins. Their NSFW feed offers primo examples of their product at work. Click at your own risk.

    We’re all getting a little weird right now, so you might as well bring Baby Foot’s chaotic energy into your life. Spook your partners, roommates, family members, and house plants with the horrifying amount of foot skin you will be sprinkle throughout your apartment. With all this spare time and energy we have (and no end date in sight), if not now, when?

    What is Babyfoot?

    Baby Foot is an at-home exfoliant that chemically helps shed layers of skin. Fruit acid, which is its main active ingredient, helps loosen dead skin so you can be reborn like a phoenix from its ashes. There’s an “ashy” pun in there somewhere.

    Much like men before they’re 33, Baby Foot has commitment issues. It’s a slow burn treatment that takes upwards of fourteen days of constant sloughing.

    How do you use Babyfoot?

    For best practices, it is recommended to soak your feet in water first for 30 minutes beforehand. Slip on the provided booties and make sure the gel covers the entire surface area of your feet. Let that sit for an hour to ninety minutes while you eat Hot Cheetos and swipe on Hinge in search of a pen pal. I also suggest slipping on a pair of cozy socks over to give you some sense of normalcy, otherwise the plastic bags make you feel like you’re in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Nurse Ratched doesn’t trust you you with lace-up shoes. Remove and wash off the gunk. This is where having patience comes in.

    Continue soaking your feet every day for 10 minutes, and eventually you will believe that miracles happen. It will be hard, but do not pick at it.

    What to expect?

    “Effective and slightly disgusting,” says one reviewer. There is “so much dead skin it’s almost scary,” raved another. “I got unexpectedly great results on my 65-year old hooves.” “Large pieces of skin were everywhere around my apartment.”

    For many, Baby Foot will have you so ecstatically disgusted with yourself the word “blegh” will become the top suggested word in every text. Some do not experience the same mild degloving outcome, so keep in mind that every calloused foot is different. If you are lucky enough to emerge with fetus-smooth feet and Cuomo allows summer to happen, your sandal collection will thank you for your support during these trying times.

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